Vent/Rant/Updates

1. Dad is pissed I am going to IADT. He thinks I’m an idiot for getting myself into more debt. There is no way I can explain to him that going is the only way I’m going to find myself again. I lost a very important part of myself when I left (or rather, was kicked out of) school, and nothing’s been right since. Maybe. Or maybe he’s right and I’m making a huge mistake. But I have to do SOMETHING. Yeah, work is good and all, but I don’t want to be at PH my whole life. I need this.
2. It really fucking hurt what mom said dad’s reaction to Tiffany’s pregnancy was. I’m not stupid or irresponsible.
3. Tiffany and Corey are having a baby. Yay!
4. Next Friday I will be on the Dispatch screen at PH. I will be on it for probably the next 3 Fridays. Then Carol will give me a bunch of books for me to go over, I’ll train on the computer to become a certified cook, and then the AGM will come talk to me. After that, I’ll be a certified manager and will close with Carol for 3 nights in a row. Then I’ll stay around 30 hours a week, working one night a week as a manager and the rest of the time as a cook, csr, or driver.
5. Jessica, Burton’s ex, wants me to do her suicide girl photos. (Which reminds me…must go research)
6. Burton, when I move out, is willing to be a full time nanny in exchange for a room.
7. I hate feeling like the fucking black sheep/failure of teh family. I hate it.
8. I must live my life my way. It’s not going to always make sense, but I AM NOT YOU. I AM NOT YOU. I have a different approach, different goals, different ideas, different backgrounds, different emotions. Remember this. I love you, but I have to be free to be myself or I will never be happy. Even in debt, if I’m able to be myself I will be happy.
9. IADT starts on the 21st. Orientation is on the 12th. So excited and nervous. ugh.
10. I miss Stephen so much it hurts.
11. I am oppressed, but it’s not completely the only reason I am shrinking.
12. I hate myself. When will people realize that?
13. Is Ana mad at me? Or Andy? Or any one of the people who used to talk to me and just stopped?
14. I’m gonna be making bath soaps tomorrow or Tuesday.
15. I hate myself.
16. I feel a breakdown coming on.

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